Cracking Ice

For a while she just sat there after she called up the message when it came in, as if incapable of fully understanding the words formed by the letters of the message in front of her. She'd never...not for a moment even considered, even after she'd heard the Captain recommend it... She blinked a few times, then peered at the display again, at the text that might be able to both set her free of her past and be the spark for a conflict that could swallow all she loved and tried to stay calm. It was difficult. A simple message really though, acknowledging receipt of a request made by her Captain and laying the matter now in her hands. As expected by the Federation, leaving it to her. Then again as far as they knew the choice was hers. And honestly it was, but it also wasn't that simple. She shook herself, then hit a button to transfer the message to her PADD.

She had no idea what to do. But she did know that there was someone who might be able to help her figure out what she wanted to do.

It was a short walk to the Captain's Quarters from her own and she barely even noticed the crew around her nodding as she passed, lost in a world thrown abruptly sideways. Definitely not long enough for her to settle herself, or work out what she was going to say. Yet she knew her Captain, and if anything words from the heart should reach him. Some might not think so, but she knew better. She'd seen him very close to his worst. Not many could say that. Even then she hesitated at the door to his quarters, fidgeting in a display quite unlike her usual self as she looked from the PADD to the key on the door half a dozen times in quick succession. She must look utterly shell-shocked - she was. Would he really - of course he would. And what about - stupid, one of them's a Councillor.

She shook herself again. She hadn't come this far just to back out now. Not a chance. She was better than that. So with that set in her mind, Snowfire took a deep breath and touched the button linked to the room's admission chime.

The door slid open and at the same time she heard falling water in the background, there he was, wearing a casual attire she had never seen him in before. it looked somewhat like a training outfit except that the forearms and shins were tight-fitted into what looked like wrappings of white, silky fabric while the rest of the costume was very loose fitting. The front of the shirt was partially open and revealed part of his muscular chest and a wide angry scar across it, obviously a phaser burn. He himself was glistening with sweat and a distinct fruity scent rose from him.

"Lieutenant Commander K'Leysha; sorry about my appearance. I just came back from a training session with Tyvya. But what brings you into this neigborhood?"

"I..." She fumbled the words, trying to work out exactly what she wanted to say even now. Goddess take it all, leave it to the truth! She held up the PADD with the single loaded entry and passed it across to him with a shaky hand. "This." She stopped, and for a moment it seemed as if she would wait for a reply as he took the PADD. But then she looked straight at him, and there was no mistaking the confusion and pain wrestling within her. And her next words were as a plea.

"Why?"

Kheren took the PADD and merely glanced at it, knowing full well what this was all about. After all, he was the one who had initiated the possibility. He motioned for her to enter the room and let the door slide behind her. He guided her into an adjoining office where they would be both alone. It was a smaller version of his ready room, a personal workspace with but three chairs including his own around a crescent-shaped desk with a single terminal on the left side. There was a replicator slot  on a wall and, on the other, a bronze ship's dedication plaque; that of the USS Artemis, his first command. The only other feature in the otherwise spartan room was a small glassy table on which rested a transluscent tridimensional chessboard.

Once they were both in he handed her back the PADD and looked straight at her with all four oculars.

"Because you earned it. The real question is; do we ?"

"I..." Snowfire shook her head, drawing in a deep breath as she fought for control, then looked right back across at Kheren. "It isn't that simple, Captain." She said finally, gentle fingers tapping momentarily on her uniform. "And it's not wholly my choice choice to make." She shook her head sharply to prevent any possible interruption. "Trust me, it isn't. I swore an oath Captain; to serve and protect my people, and that is not something within my ability to break." She sighed. "We take our oaths very seriously Captain. Never sworn rashly, in anger or in sorrow. But sworn in foreknowledge and willingness under the eyes of the Goddess. It's why we swear so few." Black fingers tapped again on white fabric.

"I can't make this choice until I know that in doing so I will not make myself an Oathbreaker." Kheren clearly heard the capital letter on that word. "To do otherwise would destroy me, my family, and any chance of peace between our peoples. Not because I have no freedom, I do, but because in this I chose to give up my freedom over three hundred years ago. And if I am to make this choice, I must do so in freedom. But does the Federation deserve me? Does this ship, this crew?" Her eyes softened.

"Of course it does, Captain."

"Glad to hear it," the Andorian answered. "As for your concerns; yes, Lieutenant-Commander, it is that simple. Putting aside the fact that the Federation would never threaten your people, or any other people in the first place, Starfleet would never ask you to forsake your kind, your heritage or yourself just for the sake of the uniform. What Starfleet will ask of anyone choosing to wear it's uniform is to swear an oath to the Truth, to the preservation of Peace, to the respect of all Life, especially Sentient Life... and with and through all that to protect Federation citizens from all threat domestic and foreign, with one's full capabilities and even with one's own life."

He made a pause before resuming what he obviously deeply believed in.

"It is a deep, serious and far reaching commitment, yes. But most of all, it is one taken consciously and freely. Anytime one find that the requirements of his faith, his culture, his species or his homeworld, or of his personal beliefs and allegiances make one unable to fulfil this commitment, then one is free and urged to resign from Starfleet... or forget wearing that uniform."

His four eyes went straight at those of the Illythirii woman before him.

"Let us play a hypothetical scenario here; imagine that you decide to serve in Starfleet as a full-fledged officer; then, after years of obeying it's rules and chain of command, of exemplary dedication to Starfleet objectives and Federation ideals... the Illythirii declare war on the Federation. What would you want to do?"

"I would want to stop it." Snowfire replied, her eyes suddenly dark. "But if the Council declared war, it would be from a position of what they believed to be total superiority. My reports on the Nemesis have shown that the Federation is capable of constructing what we would call true warships. The data already gathered on the Horizon and Phoenix pointed to the possibility and the Nemesis confirmed it, yet even then the UFP is terribly outgunned." She looked down at her hands, seeing in her mind the blood that coated them from Operation Vanguard.

The Andorian'a antennae curved inward in their typical smile.

"The Federation has been outgunned by it's enemies since the the very beginning of it's existence; from the Earth-Romulan war of the 22nd century to our last war with the Borg two years ago. Outgunning us will in no way guarantee victory ; the Borg annihilated themselves before us because of such crude misjudgment. As they say on Earth; what matters is not the size of the dog in the fight, but the size of the fight in the dog."

The black skinned woman looked up at Kheren for a long moment, a minor war raging in her mind as images flashed across her mind. Kheren didn't have to be empathic to recognise that look. There was worry there, deeper worry than he'd ever seen from the Lieutenant Commander, and a very gently rebuke behind it, but then she shook her head and the look vanished as she continued. "But that...that isn't the point and I can't go any further talking about it anyway." She looked back up. "The choice to join Starfleet is mine, but it is not one I can make without being freed from the oath I swore to the IDF. And for that I need time to talk to them. I know you will accept that, but can you understand it?"

"More than you will ever realize," answered Kheren with a far away look in his silvery eyes. but it lasted only a moment. "You would want to stop it, you say. Now, there would be two ways to go about this; help us do it as a Starfleet officer, using our rules, our methods, our tools... or resign and go back to your people and try to stop it from that end. The key point here is your freedom of choice; to be free to either stay or go and thus achieve your goal as you think is the best way. And to that question, the answer is; you would be completely free to stay and help or go back to your people. Then, as of now, the choice would be and is yours alone."

He looked pointedly at her.

"Freedom and free will are not just words for us; they are the core values of our lives and what we wish even to our enemies, what we protect and cherish as much as Peace and Knowledge. Starfleet is not a conscripting institution; neither is the Federation. We never even ask someone to join us; we offer the opportunity... and only to those who can freely and willingly understand and accept to uphold what we beleive in.  If the other party truly and knowingly believe it would be mutually beneficial, it can then join us and share our values, our methods and our goals... and in the process, enrich us with it's own uniqueness. "

He pointed at her and at himself in turn.

"Infinite diversity in infinite combinations; that is the true nature of the Federation; it's true strength. That is why no bigger gun ever could triumph over us. I could tell you that joining fully our ranks will allow you access to what we have, what we are, especially in Starfleet; you would fully gain our trust and allowed access even to our dreams. But in truth, it is what you will bring to us that will be most valuable; your richness and your uniqueness, and that of your people through you. And hopefully ours to you... and eventually one day to your own kind. To grow together bigger and better than the sum of us. That is our wish; but it will be your decision... and yours alone. "

Kheren then crossed his callused hands behind his back, taking Starfleet's formal attention stance.

"Take all the time you want. Your fate is, and always shall be in your hands. In the meantime, your help will be, as always, most appreciated."

"Thank you Captain." Snowfire nodded, standing slowly - the nerves and worry gone or at the very least subsumed now. Yet she paused a moment before taking her leave. "Before I leave though, I would like to make sure you know something. I volunteered to join the IDF, Captain. I joined it because I saw in it a means to enrich our people in a way very similar to Starfleet, and in many ways I have been proven right. I swore the Oath to them in clear mind and with full willingness, it could not have been made entire without both those things, and all who have become part of the IDF before or since have made the same choice. Simply...remember that, Captain. One day you might have to."

He straightened to look squarely at her.

"Glad to hear your people and ours share similar outlooks and values... and that you do believe firmly in them, Lieutenant-Commander. But I will be frank with you; having to deal between them and us,  that is your problem, not mine. I am the captain of this ship and I stand for Federation ideals, for Starfleet's way and all the values both try to make true in this universe. And as long as you will serve on this ship, you will do the same, regardless of your personal reasons behind it or how you want to dress yourself. But, the moment you think you might be in conflict with the requirements of this service and your former life, oath or beliefs and freely decide choosing the latter is the moment you will leave this ship. Do I make myself clear, Lieutenant-Commander Snowfire K'Leysha of the Ilythirii?

"Crystal." She replied quietly, and there was a sadness in the word, as if Kheren had missed something terribly important. But she didn't speak further. She came to attention for a short moment, nodded once, and then withdrew. She'd need to get a message off before the Horizon's next mission came through, and she had a file of personal correspondence that she really had to reply to.